Category Archives: Self Expression

I tend to be a perfectionist

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I tend to be a perfectionist. I tend to edit everything I do. A lot. Because I want everything to be perfect. I tend to edit what I’m going to say and how I’m going to say it. I’m always editing myself. I’m doing it as I write this. I re-wrote this paragraph and the sentences in this paragraph a few times already.

And it slows me down. And I would justify it by saying, “Quality is important to me.” and “I need to be proud of my work.” Perfectionist. Me. OK. I admit it. I have a problem.

When I was younger, I was taught that “perfection” was a good thing. It’s not.

It slows me down. It stops me from sharing my work. Sharing my art, sharing my music, sharing my words.

Worst of all, it makes me self-critical. It makes me judge everything I do and everything I say. And it makes me feel bad. I’m my worst critic. By far. I’m harder on myself than anyone I know.

So my mantra for today is “good enough.” It’s going to be my mantra moving forward. Because my “good enough” is usually pretty damn good by anyone else’s standards.

The Art of Being Yourself

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“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of the most powerful and inspiring TED talks that has impacted my life in a positive way is a talk by Caroline McHugh on “the art of being yourself:”

Caroline McHugh on “the art of being yourself:”

…what I do for a living is I help people be themselves. Not in any narcissistic or solipsistic way, but because I believe that social reformation begins, always starts with the individual.

When you look at remarkable individuals – and when I say remarkable or successful individuals, I don’t mean monetarily successful; I mean people that have been successful at achieving whatever they set out to do – you’ll find that the thing they have in common is they have nothing in common. 

These are people who, you know, work in many of the fields I work in. I work with people in corporations, I work with captains of industry, I work with selected politicians. I’ve worked with geophysicists. I’ve worked with chamber orchestras and ballet dancers and pop star and opera singers, and I’ve identified the thread that links them.  These are individuals who’ve managed to figure out the unique gift that the universe gave them when they incarnated, and then put that at the service of their goals.

I think that we all come complete. We come complete with one true note we were destined to sing, and these are people that have managed to figure that out. It doesn’t dictate your choice of job; what it dictates is how you do it. When we see these people we invariably call them larger than life. You know, you’ll see somebody like Roberto Benign, and you’ll say, “Oh my goodness.” Eve Ensler, she’s larger than life, which always makes me smile because how could you be larger than life?

Life is large. But most of us don’t take up nearly the space the universe intended for us. We take up this wee space around our toes, which is why when you see somebody in the full flow of their humanity, it’s remarkable. They’re at least a foot bigger in every direction than normal human beings, and they shine, they gleam, they glow; it’s like they’ve swallowed the moon.

And all the work I’ve done has led me to believe that individuality really is all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, people who are frightened to be themselves will work for those who aren’t afraid.

Now your job is not to be anything like any of the people that I put up behind me. In fact your job is to be as unlike them as you can possibly be. Your only job while you’re here on the planet is to be as good at being you as they are at being them. That’s the deal.

Learn more about Caroline McHugh and her work IDology, Life at Work.

Making music with strangers

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… or more like, friends I haven’t met yet.

Went to check out a Jeff Buckley cover band play last night. Here’s a clip of Molly Davis killing it on the drums!

 

I got randomly placed in a band with Molly through Girls Rock Camp Toronto’s first rock lottery. So excited to create music with her and two other women I’ve never met before.

We’ve been tasked to come up with a 10 minute set (we could write originals or play covers, it’s up to us) at The Burdock on April 1st where all the other random bands will be playing to raise funds for Girls Rock.

We are meeting each other and jamming today for the first time. So excited to see what happens!

What’s the worst that could happen to me if I tell this truth?

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“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.” — Audre Lorde

Recently, I’ve been reading the works of writer/poet, Audre Lorde.   A self-described “black, lesbian, mother, warrior, poet,” Audre Lorde dedicated both her life and her creative talent to confronting and addressing the injustices of racism, sexism, and homophobia. — Poetry Foundation

With all of the news of sexual misconduct allegations and the ongoing references to the “me too” movement in the media, I’m finding her words so relevant today.

The following is an excerpt from The Cancer Journals (1980) which is a collection of her speeches, essays and day-to-day journals about her personal experience with breast cancer. As someone who has a personal history with breast cancer, I was diagnosed at 29 and went through treatment for over 5 years, and as someone who has spent most of my life learning how to overcome fears around creative expression and of “speaking up”, this completely resonates.

Audre Lorde on “Your Silences Will Not Protect You:”

“I was going to die, sooner or later, whether or not I had even spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you…. What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language.

I began to ask each time: “What’s the worst that could happen to me if I tell this truth?” Unlike women in other countries, our breaking silence is unlikely to have us jailed, “disappeared” or run off the road at night. Our speaking out will irritate some people, get us called bitchy or hypersensitive and disrupt some dinner parties.

And then our speaking out will permit other women to speak, until laws are changed and lives are saved and the world is altered forever.

Next time, ask: What’s the worst that will happen? Then push yourself a little further than you dare. Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end.

And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you… as I think Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.”

And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.”

The quotes above are taken from the first chapter of Audre Lorde’s ‘The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action‘ which was a speech she gave on December 28, 1977 at the Lesbian and Literature Panel of the Modern Language Association.

Quotes from Oprah’s Final Episode (Why I Do What I Do)

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When I need inspiration about the work that I do (my career, my music and my volunteer work) and want to be reminded of “why” I do what I do, I re-watch the very final episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show. It’s so powerful that I can even say that it changed my life the first time I saw it when it originally aired on May 25th, 2011.

In this episode, Oprah shares all of her biggest lessons learned from 25 years of hosting 4,561 shows and talking to nearly 30,000 guests.

I re-watched it again this week and it was just as powerful as the first time I saw it. There is so much wisdom and so many life lessons I constantly need to be reminded of.

I loved it so much that I took the time to type out all of my favourite quotes. Taken out of context, the quotes don’t do the episode justice.

I highly recommend watching the full episode, not just reading the quotes. The power and inspiration of the message is in Oprah’s delivery and the stories she shares. 

Oprah on “finding your calling:”

“What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called. Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it.

Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing.

Because that is what a calling is. It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be, doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show. To live from the heart of yourself. You have to make a living; I understand that. But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world.”

Oprah on “finding your platform:”

“Each one of you has your own platform. Do not let the trappings here fool you. Mine is a stage in a studio, yours is wherever you are with your own reach, however small or however large that reach is. Maybe it’s 20 people, maybe it’s 30 people, 40 people, your family, your friends, your neighbors, your classmates, your classroom, your co-workers. Wherever you are, that is your platform, your stage, your circle of influence. That is your talk show, and that is where your power lies.

In every way, in every day, you are showing people exactly who you are. You’re letting your life speak for you. And when you do that, you will receive in direct proportion to how you give in whatever platform you have.”

Oprah on “using your life to serve the world:”

“My great wish for all of you who have allowed me to honor my calling through this show is that you carry whatever you’re supposed to be doing, carry that forward and don’t waste any more time. Start embracing the life that is calling you and use your life to serve the world.”

Oprah on “being responsible for your life:”

“Nobody but you is responsible for your life. It doesn’t matter what your mama did; it doesn’t matter what your daddy didn’t do.

You are responsible for your life. … You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to others.”

Oprah on “being responsible for your energy:”

“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”

All life is energy and we are transmitting it at every moment. We are all little beaming little signals like radio frequencies, and the world is responding in kind.

Oprah on “being worthy:”

…there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things often don’t feel worthy once they have them.

“There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness.

…we often block our own blessings because we don’t feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough.

…you’re worthy because you are born and because you are here. Your being here, your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough.”

Oprah on “how everyone just wants to be validated:”

“I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’

“Understanding that one principle, that everybody wants to be heard, has allowed me to hold the microphone for you all these years with the least amount of judgment. Now I can’t say I wasn’t judging some days. Some days, I had to judge just a little bit. But it’s helped me to stand and to try to do that with an open mind and to do it with an open heart. It has worked for this platform, and I guarantee you it will work for yours.

Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. ‘I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'”

Oprah on “the voice bigger than yourself:”

“I have felt the presence of God my whole life. Even when I didn’t have a name for it, I could feel the voice bigger than myself speaking to me, and all of us have that same voice. Be still and know it. You can acknowledge it or not. You can worship it or not. You can praise it, you can ignore it or you can know it. Know it. It’s always there speaking to you and waiting for you to hear it in every move, in every decision. I wait and I listen. I’m still—I wait and listen for the guidance that’s greater than my meager mind.

“The only time I’ve ever made mistakes is when I didn’t listen. So what I know is, God is love and God is life …

Oprah on “your life is always speaking to you:”

…your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers. … It’s subtle, those whispers. And if you don’t pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder and louder. It’s like getting thumped upside the head, like my grandmother used to do. … You don’t pay attention to that, it’s like getting a brick upside your head. You don’t pay attention to that, the whole brick wall falls down. That’s the pattern I’ve seen in my life, and it’s played out over and over again on this show.

Whispers are always messages, and if you don’t hear the message, the message turns into a problem. And if you don’t handle the problem, the problem turns into a crisis. And if you don’t handle the crisis, disaster.

Your life is speaking to you. What is it saying?”

Oprah on “making a difference:”

And what I hope is that you all will be that safe harbor for somebody else—their safe place to fall. Do for them what you all are telling me the show has done for you.

Connect. Embrace. Liberate. Love somebody. Just one person. And then spread that to two. And as many as you can. You’ll see the difference it makes.

Words Are Things

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“Words are things. You must be careful, careful about calling people out of their names, using racial perjoratives and sexual pejoratives and all that ignorance. Don’t do that. – Maya Angelou

I believe in the power of words. I attended a workshop years ago where they asked us to observe everything we said for an entire day. Every time I said something negative, I was supposed to say “cancel reprogram” to myself and then replace the negative word with something positive.

I couldn’t believe how many negative things came out of my mouth in the period of 24 hours. I always thought I was a positive person but that exercise made me realize how negative I actually was. Since I took that workshop almost 15 years ago, I have been very conscious of the language I use. Especially my “self talk.”

Some of things that I said to myself were “matter of fact.” Sadly, most of the negativity came out of habit. I caught myself saying, “You suck.” “I’m such an idiot.” or “This is impossible.” or “I’ll never get this.” No wonder things didn’t come easy to me when I was younger.

I watched a brilliant documentary today about poet and author and a wise and beautiful soul, Maya Angelou. She says…

“Some day we’ll be able to measure the power of words. I think they are things. They get on the walls. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs, in your upholstery, and your clothes, and finally in to you.” – Maya Angelou

After years of observing the words that I use as well as the words used by others, I’ve also come to the conclusion that words are things. I’ve noticed that words can shape you because when the words you use are repeated enough, they end up becoming your beliefs. And over time, your words eventually become “you” and people’s perception of who you are.

The words you choose can be limiting or empowering. They also have a negative or positive impact on the people and the world around you. Choose your words carefully.

Hello world

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I’ve decided to start blogging again. My first attempt on Blogger.com started in 2007 and I wrote sporadically since then. I never took it seriously because I figured no one was reading it.  The truth is that no one was reading it because I was too afraid to share it.

Starting the blog was an experiment in getting myself to start writing publicly about personal things. Before the blog, I had written “publicly” a ton for work, for a couple of magazines and wrote tons of lyrics for other singers to sing.  It was easy for me to share my work when it was more about the facts and less about my opinions.  More about others and less about myself.  As soon as the words got too personal, then it became too scary for me to share.

I’m hoping this time it will be different. I was inspired to write again after reading a blog post titled Talkers Block by Seth Godin:

“Do it every day. Every single day. Not a diary, not fiction, but analysis. Clear, crisp, honest writing about what you see in the world. Or want to see. Or teach (in writing). Tell us how to do something. …If you know you have to write something every single day, even a paragraph, you will improve your writing.” — Seth Godin

So this is my attempt at improving my writing and my attempt at honest writing about what I see in the world. This is my attempt at making my writing more personal.  It still feels scary as hell. Maybe this time I’ll find the courage to share.  Maybe this time I’ll have more readers. Maybe I won’t. Either way, I feel like I have a lot to say. So here goes…